Grouchy Old Man

Today I had an old joke come to mind.  The mass had just finished, and this man (who is fairly new) gets up and rushes out.  I try to make eye contact to say hi.  I wanted to make him feel at home, but he was grumpy.  He ignored me and ran out.  Thats when the joke came to mind.

"There was an old man who went to mass everyday. Never missed the 12pm mass. He was very faithful. There was a homeless lady who was always sitting outside the church, asking for change. She took notice that this man was often grouchy when she asked for him for spare change. First, she blamed it on the age. But one day, she brought up the nerves to ask him. "Sir, I see you come to mass everyday and receive Jesus in the Eucharist. How come you are so cranky and grumpy most of the time?" He laughed and said, "You better thank God that I come everyday, it could be much worst." 

I love that joke. It came at a good time, because I know this man who ran out of mass today will slowly change. I've seen him in mass every morning for the past week or so. It looks like he is trying to be there every day. I'm sure the Lord will slowly work in his life, and put a smile on his face soon. One day I will glance at him and he will reply back with a smile. I believe that.

When I started out in the walk with the Lord, I wasn't how I am now.  I had so many walls and so many insecurities that I didn't allow  myself to get too close to people.  I use to be intimidating, and maybe I still am a little, but not like I use to be.  The Lord has been working that out in my life.   He's been working miracles in my life.  Most of the time, I don't notice them as they are happening.  I remember being a very jealous person before I met the Lord.  And even when I first met my now-husband, I was very much jealous.  I already new the Lord, and knew that jealousy wasn't from God.  Jealousy isn't a characteristic of a christian and it's a sin (1 Corinthians 3:3). But it was part of me, and as much as I tried to change it myself it wasn't happening.  I remember my husband and I getting into arguments about it when we were dating.  My husband is a very popular guy and a leader in the church, naturally at some point he needs to interact with females.  There were instances where I unwillingly portrayed a jealous girlfriend, even when I purposely did everything I could not too.  It was just in me, and it just poured out of my pores.  

One day, I finally started praying about it and offered it to the Lord.  I didn't want to be like that.  Even though I could come up with 500 reasons to grant me the right to be that way, I didn't want to be anything that didn't reflect a christian.  I felt like St. Paul when he said in Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."  So I spoke to God and told Him he needed to work on this from the inside out.  I was trying to do everything I could from the outside, but everything in me was working against me.  I prayed, I fasted and offered mass for it.

Time went by, I started to forget about it, as it stopped being a hot topic of conversation.  About two years into my marriage, I opened my eyes and saw all that the Lord had done with me.  I truly felt free from jealousy.  I could leave my husband alone with a lady, or see him talking to women with not feeling anger or competition in my heart.  I didn't worry about what he was doing on his travels.  Who he was talking to?  Who he was with?  Are there women there? Why are they there?  Why can't they leave him alone? Etc....  All those thoughts, and haunting feelings were gone.  I can truly say I don't have that worry anymore.  It was such a relief, and freeing experience.  For me and my husband I'm sure..lol

God did a miracle in my life.  A miracle I will never forget.  Because living with those walls and wounds, made my life miserable.  It affected me, and my relationships.  I am still not perfect.  There are still more things to work on, but I know God will work them out for me.  I just need to be open, and be willing to humble myself to God and realize when I need His help.  

Lent starts tomorrow, and it's a great time to offer these things to God.  As we start letting go of all these worldly things that we carry, we will get closer to God.  And that is what Lent is about.  It's a time to  reflect (pray),  sacrifice (fast),  and prepare our temple for the Spirit of God, the Risen Lord, that will be given to us on Easter.  I pray that we will take this time to reflect on those things that keep us from getting closer to Him, and offer them in prayer.  Offer them as sacrifice.  Lets go against our flesh, and show it who is boss.  Jesus is boss.  If you do it, God will do His job and prepare you for an amazing Easter and everyday there after.  You will be surprised at all the things God can do in your life.   Just as the Lord has slowly changed the old man, and changes me, He will do it in you.